Mercury is in retrograde.  Thus,

Mercury is in retrograde.  Thus, push-button publishing, and specifically I would use greymatter® to publish this, but getting cgi from my web host is like pulling teeth, and besides, I love blogger.’,CAPTION,’status.blogger.com’, HEIGHT, 15, LEFT, BELOW);” onmouseout=”return nd();”>blogger are faultering.  Not a good time to start a high tech project.  Or a war. 

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SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENT:
We interrupt our normal program to bring you this urgent, liberal, pointless, moralistic rant.  We will resume normal programming immediately after this special announcement.

Freedoms Curtailed In Defense Of Liberty

This administration is promoting — too vigorously, I think — the idea that this fight against terrorism is going to last years.  How do they know?  And why are they so interested in fighting terrorism now — terrorism is not a new thing.  Why didn’t they start America’s New War back when the WTC was first bombed in 1993?  The threat then was no less lethal, nor less likely, than now. 

We have become a battle state, a nation of heartless and mindless goons drunk with rage and blood-lust.  Don’t say you are not part of it — even though you may not be a goon.  Because that is OUR president, and OUR Secretary of Defense and, lamentably now, OUR Director of Homeland Security.  We may not like them, we may even have opposed their ascendancy to high office, but we are the source of the authority they weild; we are responsible for the actions they execute in our names.  Whether we like it or not, the buck stops here.  We can continue to look the other way, which we do very well in America.  But there are masses of humanity across the seas who hate me and you for being part of this country, and for participating in the most wasteful and self-indulgent society this earth has ever known. 

Our government did not start America’s New War in 1993 because it could not have gotten away with it then, at least not with as much popular support as today.  If the administration then was conservative, it might have tried to start a war and curb free speech and advance the militarization of American society, but that would have been much more difficult then.  In 1993, our government might have prevented the events of September 11.  But in that case they’d not have gotten all the extra goodies they are getting today, like this homeland security bullshit — a better title might be the Office of Domestic Espionage. 

I bet Bush and his buds are glad they couldn’t shoot their wad in ’93; it comes out so much better if you wait. 

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what is mine home

what is mine home become?

I know I’ve been offline for a while, but Office of Homeland Security for crissakes? 

An How to learn Swedish in 1000 difficult lessons on the day of retaliation, ‘There is no Swedish word for today.”,CAPTION,’francisstrand.blogspot’, HEIGHT, 15, LEFT, BELOW);” onmouseout=”return nd();”>American blogger in Sweden, somewhat more alert than I, astutely asked, “why ever did they pick such an Why is there such a plethora of websites promoting this term so soon after the appointment of a Cabinet level secretary?  The term has certainly not been common among my circle of friends.  I guess I’ve missed too many meetings of the local Hitler-youth.’,CAPTION,’google.com’, HEIGHT, 15, LEFT, BELOW);” onmouseout=”return nd();”>Orwellian name?”.  Why indeed.  George Orwell’s 1984 was fiction, but Rumsfeld and his boys are as non-fiction as good ol’ American beef on the hoof — and as morally dumb.  Problem is, they’ve taken over the abbatoir, and they’ve been running it for quite a few years now. 


I certainly do not want to sound un-American (the Committee on Un-American Activities may be revived any moment), nor un-patriotic; and I certainly do not want to allow any passion — no matter how righteous it may feel to me — to dissuade me from the only motivation I will ever want — love.  Therefore, it is love for that man (whose image appears on the right) that makes me bring up a tacky topic like assassination at the awkward moment of a nation’s self-vindication.  He was my hero.  I was five when he was assassinated. 

I don’t like this topic; it gives me a headache.  It makes me cry.  I tell myself John F. Kennedy was probably just as crooked as the people who killed him; I mean there was the Illinois votes scandal, and there was his rum-running father — or so the story goes.  And I use cliches like, ‘you live by the sword, you die by it,’ or ‘you play with fire you get burned.’  Ugh.  Eventually, I do admit that I’m just trying to minimize the loss, to impose on the Fates some balance which makes them less unfair.  It is a touching effort but fruitless, and I cry. 

Or maybe the fruit of rehashing these emotions is the tears.  They uncover me; it is how I know who I really am.  Yes, even after 38 years, there are waves of saddness yet to spend themselves in sobs and blurred vision… 

He was ours, he belonged to us here in New England and, more specifically, here in Massachusetts.  He talked like us; they made fun of him for it.  And he was Catholic like me and my family.  He came from that heritage of veils and genuflections, of candles, rosary beads, and sad-faced statues, and he came from an era of Friday afternoon confessions that was emblematic of being Catholic in the Sixties.  Yet he lived playfully.  He lived on the beach, on Cape Cod, a place I have loved since before I was five — it may be that I love the Cape simply because the Kennedys lived there. 

In the world I knew, President Kennedy was my remarkable incongruity, a saving grace.  My world was one in which everybody like me was defined by saddness and unfair suffering; by the age of five I had already spent two years in hell, but that is another story.  He was like me, except he was happy, always having fun, laughing, and never suffering.  Even when I was five, I knew, because of Jack Kennedy, that life didn’t have to be the way I had known it, he was my proof that life really was better than I knew.  His assassination, the way it happened, and the lies surrounding it all, created in me that cynical little man you see in all these words.  The death of my President re-crushed my hope. 

The black operations conducted to assassinate John F. Kennedy were not the beginning of such activity inside the US government, but they certainly were the most ambitious up to that time.  That activity is continuing, which brings me back to the topic at hand; the trust of government. 

The plain logic, obvious to anyone who has ears is that Osama bin Laden is the best thing to ever happen to American domestic intelligence — it frankly terrifies me.  The terrorist Osama, the homeless rabble-rousing waif, cannot terrorize me one tenth as much as the American government can, in its crimes and its espionage against its own citizens, set now to begin a new era of expansion, and folks like Rumsfeld will, despicably, use the September 11 atrocities to justify their excesses.  They can’t let pass unexploited such a profitible opportunity to gain unreasonable power and centralize authority. 

Their eagerness is nauseating.  Instead of dashing to the fore to take their places in a new lineup of power-grubbing haters of civil liberties, it would be more appropriate to the realities of the day for them to at least appear reluctant as they advance, jack-booted, over the Constitution.  Come now, it is not as though our very existence as a nation were threatened, and forgive me if I think that a threat to our existence is the only justification for trashing the US Constitution.  So I would have thought these image conscious power-mongers would be more concerned about their appearance.  But why should they?  None of us are paying much attention anyway.  As long as they keep the gas flowing to our SUV’s, and as long as they preserve ‘our American way of life’, whatever that is besides irrelevant, then we don’t much care what they do, do we.  We just don’t want to know. 

Have you ever seen Three Days of the Condor?  Quite dated, but relevant today, perhaps even moreso than when it was released. 

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…keep the home fires burning

…keep the home fires burning


I go to the British very much in these last several weeks — to those who survived Blitzkrieg, who emerged victorious from the Battle of Britain; to that nation of whom the world might one day say (using the words of Churchill), never have so few given so much for so many; to the historical parent of my own nation — for reassurance and comfort in a time of impossible and gravely consequential choices.  And I go to them for nothing so much as the simple knowledge that I am not alone.  That is the cure for terror.  Whether we are right or wrong — and I think we are both — I thank you Britain; I daresay I love you. 

Here is Tony Blair’s announcement of British support and participation in US-led attacks on Afghanistan.  In case that doesn’t work, try this.

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the tenth… Read this,

the tenth…

Read this, then this, and finally this, but especially be sure to read this.

I for one will be anxious on the tenth.  I love it. 

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It has made me too

It has made me too jittery to think straight.  This dropping-DSL, which has been down for days on end, coming up for 30 minutes or an hour a day, has made me link-light crazy, watching the router nervously for the fatal wink-out of the WAN link indicator.  I’m getting an ulcer. 

Current connection condition as follows (as obtained from DSL reports)

…to New Jersey:

** Speed 1294(down)/442(up) kbps **

(At least 25 times faster than a 56k modem)

Logging result

Finish.

…to San Jose:

** Speed 274(down)/436(up) kbps **

(At least 5 times faster than a 56k modem)

Logging result

Finish.

..to Los Angeles:

** Speed 545(down)/438(up) kbps **

(At least 10 times faster than a 56k modem)

Logging result

Finish.

I don’t know what is up with the San Jose test results — the upload is faster than the download.  But if it is connected at all lately, all I can say is ‘tsawright. 

The DSL offerings out there are pretty awful.  WorldCom, despite their website propaganda, can’t do anything for a Rhythms customer ‘cept sell’em a new line.  No assumption of ‘customer care’ going on there.  Or maybe it is just an unscrupulous sales staff trying to maximize commissions — the American way.  They want to discard the present connection, hardware and all, and have Covad install everything new.  Such an encouragingly inefficient business practice for lean times — maximize cash flow without regard for the rest. 

I’m in a bad mood.

They want $150 per month for a 128kbps line (Synchronous DSL — 128k both ways).  This price means nothing to me since I have not spent a cent on my present line.  But the service I signed up for was ADSL (Asynchronous) which for most of its life has provided me with 1.5Mbps downstream and 300+ kbps upstream.  The price for that was $49.95 a month.  Hmmm.  I think there is some shopping to be done here — or maybe some strong words to be shared with WorldCom, like… well, I don’t know exactly what they are yet.  But I’ll let you know. 

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No blog entries because DSL

No blog entries because DSL has been down.  Going down again any second, I am sure.  Just wanted to say hi.

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Doesn’t it just figure; I

Doesn’t it just figure; I finally got a decent connection soze I can blog, and I gotta go to bed.  Fuckin’ thing will be down in the morning, I just know it. 

On the other hand, it is 5 AM… 

Good night. 

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This explains part of

This explains part of the story about my phantom DSL provider.  The line was (again) down most of the day, coming up for about a half hour every three hours, finally coming back up and staying at about 2:30 this AM. 

All is not hopeless.  WorldCom is buying Rhythms, or at least they’re buying that group of access rights for Central Offices which include the CO for my particular line.  Maybe WorldCom will take me under their wing and send me a bill for this DSL.  Then at least I will know who to call when it goes down, or slows down.  Gawd, I can’t imagine calling somebody just to tell them my bandwidth is drooping when I’ve lately gotten used to being wonderfully grateful just for having a connection. 

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You know, when you really

You know, when you really look at a person, you see them.  I said somewhere once this guy was ‘way cute,’ and he is.  But he’s a whole hell of a lot more; he’s a whole human being for one thing — including of course all the appropriate appendages (not that I know personally — just surmizing).  But he’s also got a voice, and he’s got a brain, and the scariest thing of all for me is that Mays has got a heart.  Not that I know personally — just surmizing… 

Check out his blog entry for .:: Saturday :: September 22 :: 2001 ::..  There’s pics.  If you look at them, maybe you won’t see a person, maybe you’ll just see a picture.  I saw a person, and I’m right back where I was running from: I’m afraid.

I’m not afraid of pictures. 

PS:  I really can’t believe that Mays is only 5’2″ like he says.

PPS.  He is not a child, as his appearance (at a stretch) suggests to some people.  He is a grown adult.  Once he even got laid-off from an adult-type job.  So there. 

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New javascript pop-ups installed

New javascript pop-ups installed (for the most part, lots of links still need tweaking).  I just can’t keep it simple. 

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In addition to the quote

In addition to the quote posted on Blogger’s main page:

“All in all, I’ve revised my earlier views about the usefulness of blogging, moving full circle from my earlier position. Yes, there’s still a lot of chaff out there, and it’s the reader’s responsibility to sift and choose. But in the best spirit of grassroots participation, these new information gatekeepers are helping to rewrite the rules.” 

…from this By Charles Cooper” onmouseover=”return overlib(‘When blogging came of age By Charles Cooper.’,CAPTION,’cnet.com’);” onmouseout=”return nd();” >article, the writer goes on to say, “Not that they are about to displace the main organs of journalism. I don’t think any serious blogger would make that claim.”

Spoken like a true self-preservationist, suckling on the teat of journalism’s main organ

Journalism is a joke in most of its present propagandized incarnations.  It is so bad in fact that I don’t think any serious journalist would actually claim that as a title.  He’d probably have a weblog and call himself a blogger. 

Good journalism is out there to be sure, but too many so-called journalists are nothing but ad copy writers, which is in itself an honorable profession — writers must make a living too.  But when ad copy is passed off as journalism, and when the stuff being hawked is political manipulation — the basest of snake-oils — that my dears is called propaganda.  They can call themselves whatever they want if it helps them swallow their own saliva without retching.  But if you won’t tell me the real stories, which I find almost exclusively by reading weblogs, then you might as well be lying. 

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I have to post weel

I have to post weel qwick like a bunny — my dsl is dropping like pellets this morning.

I thought it might be nice to have a dependable connection again, so I asked Speakeasy to help.  They responded fast but, alas, they probably won’t be able to help me.  Actually they responded so fast that I was forced to restate (and rethink) what it is I want from them.  In the interest of getting this posted in the tiny window of connectivity which I am now enjoying, I paste from my e-mail to Speakeasy:

[tedious beginning of e-mail omitted]

2.  I do not want a new DSL installed, I actually just want to preserve my current DSL connection, which has begun bouncing me with increasing frequency lately.  People at Rhythms (they installed it) say they can’t help me because I ordered my DSL through MSN and that I have to talk to MSN about it.  That would make sense, except MSN says they aren’t providing my DSL, that my MSN account is a dialup and has never changed.  That too is plausible, except for the fact that my DSL has been connected for over a year and is still connected right now at 864(down)/364(up) kbps.  Nobody has ever billed me for my DSL connection — not MSN, not Rhythms. 

In a nutshell, I want Speakeasy to take custody of my existing DSL connection.  It is not because I feel guilty about getting it for free, it is because I need to know who I can call if it goes down again, and doesn’t come back up.  Theoretically, this transition could be done at the CO, without any rewiring here, and without any outside line work by the phone company.  I realize this may not be possible. 

[tedious end of e-mail omitted]


WS_FTP Pro 6.05 2000.01.17, Copyright ? 1992-2000 Ipswitch, Inc.
local chdir to /
– –
connecting to 144.92.108.52:21
Connected to 144.92.108.52 port 21
220 ProFTPD 1.2.0 Server (Maple FTP Server) [maple.ssec.wisc.edu]
USER anonymous
331 Anonymous login ok, send your complete e-mail address as password.
PASS (hidden)
230 Anonymous access granted, restrictions apply.
CWD /pub/data/
250 CWD command successful.
PWD
257 “/pub/data” is current directory.
Host type (I): UNIX (standard)
PORT nevermind
200 PORT command successful.
LIST
150 Opening ASCII mode data connection for file list.
Received 6425 bytes in 0.6 secs, (112.73 Kbps), transfer succeeded
226 Transfer complete.
CWD goes12
250 CWD command successful.
PWD
257 “/pub/data/goes12” is current directory.
PORT nevermind
200 PORT command successful.
LIST
150 Opening ASCII mode data connection for file list.
Received 1233 bytes in 0.2 secs, (52.63 Kbps), transfer succeeded
226 Transfer complete.
receiving fg12_high.gif as fg12_high.gif (1 of 1)
Saving restart info for ssec – fg12_high.gif
TYPE I
200 Type set to I.
PORT nevermind
200 PORT command successful.
RETR fg12_high.gif
150 Opening BINARY mode data connection for fg12_high.gif (3474951 bytes).
Received 3474951 bytes in 14.8 secs, (2.25 Mbps), transfer succeeded
226 Transfer complete.

Oh my, but when it is fast, it is FAST.  See that little delicious detail in this morning’s FTP session log?  2.25Mbps.  Oh yeah, I’m hard.  But I fear it won’t last long, and that is why I am typing like a fiend to get this posted, like the last wave of a swimmer in distress. 

This is certainly not a complaint about Speakeasy.  Indeed I have heard nothing but good things about them.  But the logistics (and other details of which I am not aware) of DSL procurement in the cutthroat DSL market is prohibitively complex.  I am expecting too much if I want them to reuse a perfectly good, tested, and working connection loop, and my router, and perhaps even the DSLAM at the CO.  That would require too much of a departure from the polished routine which they have perfected, of getting people hooked-up and online fast.  I guess I just want it my way. 

I have been amazingly lucky — DSL for free for over a year.  This is not unappreciated here, especially now.  DSL is my ONLY connection with the outside world; no phone, no cable, no TV.  But I am addicted now, and I will do just about anything they want to stay connected via DSL — even if it doesn’t occasionally reach 2.25 megabits per second.

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God save me from Paint

God save me from Paint Shop Pro.  If there ever was a method for me to hyperfocus on the insignificant, that program is it.  I make all those — well, most of — little icons on the top left.  And if it’s a copied graphic, then I just have to tweak it to death. 

Enough!  …enough, already.  That’s not my life — at least I hope it isn’t.

Time is running out.  I want to tell you how the air felt when I shut off the a/c today and opened the window for the first time in weeks.  I want to explain that my landlord reminds me of my father, just because he’s the man who owns the house.  I would like to capture in words this fleeting terror that comes and goes unbidden, without warning — even without words, I would like to capture it and send it on its way, like an unwanted bug in my bed.  I want to say so much. 

Today, the air was like the air two weeks ago, the sky precious blue and clear, the sun warm; a joy just to breathe. 

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Went to bed at 7:30

Went to bed at 7:30 AM.  Can you say depression?  Anyway, I wasted a big chunk of my life at Spaced Penguin, a fiendishly addictive game which I discovered at blogdex.  The idea behind blogdex is simple (though quite complicated to implement, I imagine); keep track of what URLs everybody is linking to.  Consider this detail from blogdex:  The link cnn.com/SPECIALS/2001/trade.center/damage.map.html scored 16.9 points.  I have no idea what that means except that out of more than four hundred and fifty thousand links, only two other links scored higher.  And one of them was that miserable penguin game. 

Now, if someone is keeping track of how many other websites have posted a given URL, well, I can’t help but wonder how my humble offering ranks.  It doesn’t.  In fact, this is all they know ’bout me.  So far. 

Whilst I make another cup o’ joe, I encourage you to add your site to their ‘bot ‘base.  You will be assimilated eventually anyway. 

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