Forgive me father (or mother, or brother, or sister, or friend, or would-be lover, or co-worker, or stranger) for I have sinned. It has been twelve lifetimes since my last confession.
Dreaming last night; too much coffee too late. Old jobs, mixed with the current job, and always trying to get from here to there faster than possible on my bike. There were cute boys sprinkled throughout, all of them uncertain of my interest, while I remained implacably coy. And an old boyfriend with me in a group-session/workshop-type setting, and he wanted to have sex, right there. I was interested, but appalled. He was disappointed in my reluctance; I was afraid what the others might think. He masturbated anyway, and everyone noticed. He came; I was ashamed.
I need a mystic to guide my recovery. Not an untethered lunatic, but a teacher anchored somewhere more substantial than here. You see, I seem to just stay lost, and I understand how that might be preferable to one like me. But assuming I wanted to get un-lost, how would I do it? The only possibility I can imagine is to find someone on a higher plane who can help me progress through this arabesque maze, toward…
Where the hell am I going, anyway? Teacher? Hello…?