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I let a moth go. I noticed it last night, fluttering around the light over the oven, dancing and flitting above the little billows of steam as I boiled spaghetti. When I was a little kid, with baby-soft skin and … Continue reading →

The rope is a nice diversion.  Anything is, really.  Usually it is the computer, and its multifarious machinations, that provide me with diversion.  Check e-mail.  What’s up on twitter? Check the bank balance.  And PayPal, too.  Search for a Chrome … Continue reading →

I am, as I write this, in the process of ‘aborting a seizure’ as my neurologist calls it. You are joining us in the middle of the process. To recap, I woke with an unidentifiable restlessness. After drifting around the … Continue reading →

Being enlightened is a heavy burden, you know.  I mean, everybody wants to know, and the instant you start to say something enlightened, all the attention swings over toward you.  Like a million watts (or so it seems) of spotlighting … Continue reading →

I live on exactly every single cent that I make.  No wiggle room, no Certificates of Deposit, not even enough savings to pay for dinner at a fine restaurant.  So it is perhaps symptomatic of something ominous that I just … Continue reading →

Nothing.  The imperative is to say ‘yes’ to life.  Accept now.  Embrace the present, whole heartedly, loving the precise quality of what is.  Why do I do this?  Why am I stuck on this tune?  It is grating to my … Continue reading →

Been rummaging in the archives again.  Shoot me.  war I am depressed.  The fresh-face and bright-eyes of youth have given way to hairy ears and bad skin.  My faith and optimism from another time is now dark doubt and cynicism.  … Continue reading →

Is this depression?  I do not think it meets the clinical criteria for Major Depression, and besides, I am fairly suspicious of the validity of those criteria anyway.  I get up, move, approach things I hate (workplace), evade oncoming traffic … Continue reading →

I started to write something here.  I’m way over due.  But whenever I come back to this blog, I re-read so much, that days pass before I press a key on my keyboard, and weeks pass before I finish any … Continue reading →

I’m getting old. Stop the world I want to get off. Are we there yet? This isn’t fun anymore. Isn’t this show over YET? I thought I wanted to stay until things really changed, you know, until the end of … Continue reading →

This is an illusion. Everything you see and hear are merely toys over the crib, maintained by some not-so-benevolent daddy, assisted by a subservient mommy, and passed off to us as all we need to know. There is an ever … Continue reading →

The truth is that I have never been isolated, either from others or from ‘the self.’ The truth may be that my earliest experiences were too intense, too rich, too extreme, and too early in life to ever be repeated. … Continue reading →

I don’t want a lover. The fact that I do not want a lover makes me angry. And as I review some past would-be lovers—people who threatened me with intimacy in addition to sex—I see that this has always been … Continue reading →

Nobody reads this crap. I examine it with fascination after placing it here, I note the shape and consistency, the colors and texture, and the density or lightness. Sometimes I recognize a vulgar remnant of reality. Then it swirls in … Continue reading →

The music was released in the Eighties. I was young; a former lover from the Eighties visited me a year or two ago, after not seeing me for ten years, and kept saying in amazement, “You used to be so … Continue reading →