Been wasting my life playing around at flickr. Between that and watching old documentaries that I download, I manage to stay up all night on my nights off, sleeping completely through my days off.
But I have to be at work tomorrow at 8:00 AM. It is now 2:00 AM.
I have six hours left of 2 days off. During this time I haven’t bought milk which I have needed–I’m putting old eggnog in my coffee. I haven’t bought bread, which I have also been out of. I haven’t written the letter of reference which my friend needs me to send to her potential college by February 1. This means I have to do it tomorrow night, or Thursday night–or more than likely, on both nights because I am a perfectionist–in order to send it in the mail on Friday.
During both days off, I have not been outside in sunlight at all; in fact I haven’t even been awake during sunlight for more than two hours total during both days off. Now that I think about it, I have avoided all face to face contact with people, and most of any other kind of contact as well. 
…
If, instead of getting up to go to work every day, I were riding my bike on a long journey (which I did once), then I would know what to do and when to do it. The ‘how’ of it I would figure out. I did, once. Actually, much more than once.
Engaged in the journey, I would have no qualms, no internal conflicts about my occupation, as I do now. I would, as I once did, face fears and challenges with aplomb. Now I respond to tedious fears and drudging challenges with sprays of venom in all directions; these days, I harbor a contempt for everything and it oozes from me like paint-stripping jelly onto every encounter I have.
I once knew the joy of every human encounter, every chance meeting on the bike road or the hiking trail. However, I have allowed this job, like a chafing shoe, to build callouses on me which now allow me to remain isolated amid the crowd; by the stagnation of these days, I have grown giant ugly scabs which rebuff those who would approach me without me ever needing to engage them.
I am missing something, and I do not know quite what it is.