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j         o      u    r  n al... 


Monday, December 20, 1999 8:20:11 AM

Overwhelmed.

Going to doc to get left shoulder looked at; keeps dislocating--at some very inopportune times!.  Have to get in shower, haven't shopped for gifts, will be late for work today, gonna rain...

I know I don't really want to sleep forever.  It's like oversleeping; you wake-up, maybe notice the time, then feel the bed-warmth, enveloping softness, and next thing you know, 90 minutes are gone, and you're mad at yourself for the time you wasted on sleep you know you didn't need. 

Next thing you know, you're late, decades are gone, 'What happened to my parents? ..my youth? ..my plans? ..my life?'.  Vivid experiences are becoming chrome-plated memories, and even those are tarnishing.

And I sigh that familiar defeated, depressed, I-give-up kinda sigh I heard often expelled by my mother.  Enveloping softness, let go, sink, let it pull you down, go under, drift away...  Overwhelmed.




Tuesday, December 21, 1999 1:05:37 AM

This is a sin, but I am just too tired to write this tonight. Like in Sister Goldenhair,

Well I tried to make it Sunday,
but I got so damn depressed
That I set my sights on Monday
and I got myself undressed..."
So I'm a day late, sue me.

It's up to about 60° and 100% humidity. My A/C is on. I hate humid...

Good night...


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