i'm sorry.  Just have not been up to ...to ...<sigh>, I don't know.  The writing is not what's difficult—I mean the sitting down to write is easy unless I'm being real lazy.  It's the feelings.  If you think I don't care, you may be right.  My work involves serving very needy people and I try and convince myself it doesn't hurt, not really.  My social life involves trying to be at ease when inside, I'm hysterical.  Half the time I'm pretending to care when I don't, the other half I'm pretending not to care when I do care, so much.  Either way it's just fear.  Nobody hurts anybody, not without first desperately fighting some terror within, and losing.  Nobody hurts anybody, but people do get hurt and I am so sorry...

I have to go.  I really need to sleep.  I don't want to be here with you, right now.  But I do...

I don't know where to go.

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