just skipped another dose. Reversing this course and going back to the cocktail is not an option in my mind, but this deliberate non-compliance leaves me apart from the group; I feel alone and scared. That is how I am supposed to feel right now.
There will be changes in my body. This faithful flesh has made itself accustomed to those chemicals and now it must re-learn life without them. I ask so many unreasonable things of my body, and now I ask another: Skin, bone, blood, muscle, heart, soul, please recall a time before, a time when I loved you and did not mistreat you—go back to the beginning if necessary—and resume what you have so patiently been waiting to continue. Live.
And forgive me, can you?—of course you will, you always do—for my heedless use of you. Don't be ashamed of your infirmities, mostly inflicted on you by things I've done to you. I love them just as I love you. The things we can repair, we will. The damage we cannot fix, I will love no less for all of it's a part of me. And don't trust me now, I don't expect you can just yet. But know that one day you may trust me as before, and with the help of love and friends—and of course with the help of you—I will win your trust again. You are my one and only, my flesh and my blood.
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