{"id":239,"date":"2002-02-10T14:54:05","date_gmt":"2002-02-10T19:54:05","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/burgwinkel.com\/blog\/?p=239"},"modified":"2002-02-10T14:54:05","modified_gmt":"2002-02-10T19:54:05","slug":"marywrite","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/burgwinkel.com\/blog\/?p=239","title":{"rendered":"maryWrite"},"content":{"rendered":"
\nmaryWrite\n<\/div>\n

\nI want to write like this<\/a>.  Or maybe I just want to have a life to write about.&nbs.  Some desperate smash-the-mug romantic rage accompanied by some discouragement at work and some genuine, tangible toilet-overflows, can’t-pay-the-bills depression?mmmm, that would be living!  Instead…<\/p>\n

The Major Deity visits me at work last night, while I am pining over the memories of boys who once I worshipped, and He stands there, budda-like with his chubby hands folded across the dome of his belly, gazing at me with a grinning expression that says, “I know there is something you want.  Just ask me.”.  MD and I have played this game before.  He is going to trick me again?he is a tireless trickster?but I must be in a teachable moment and he is, if nothing else, all about love and compassion, so I allow the trick to proceed.<\/p>\n

“I want you to send me a young man who will love me.”.  I know from past experience that I should be more specific, such a generalized request will get me into trouble with the Major Deity.  But things at work are, just then, rather frantic, and there is no time to polish my legalese before submitting my request.  I am sure I included the concept of ‘cute’ as a descriptor in my psychic communication with MD, and I may even have asked that the boy-gift only want<\/i> me instead of love<\/i> me.  Love is not actually on the menu at this stage, that would be like a restauranteur presenting Gas and Indigestion<\/i> as an a la carte item.  It comes later, if at all.  <\/p>\n

Then, the admission of my desire obtained, the Major Deity smiled?no, he grinned, a little too much?and went away.  Now cut away to a cold black night as I pump my bicycle up the hill to the doorway of my house.  There is no one in sight except the dark outlines of two men walking down the hill toward my house.  I fantasize that one is perhaps an enemy who wants to kill me, perhaps it is Bernard (another story).  I manufacture a need to get my bike and me through the door quickly and away from this threat which, while it isn’t really lethal, it is worse.  They threaten to socialize.  iyeee!  <\/p>\n

They are a late-thirty-something man, and an early-twenty-something boy, very early twenty, he could even have been very late teens.  From some elsewhere heaven, MD watches with glee.  They are now on my side of the street.  They are looking at me.  I am fumbling at the door like a damsel squirming helplessly on railroad tracks.  Now they have turned onto the little walk that leads to my door, to me!  Before I am able to flee through the front door, I can feel the 19-ish boy close behind me.  He stares at me, transfixed I’d like to think.  I am about to let go of the first door as I wrestle my bike through the second of my building’s double doors.  I have to say, “Got the door?  He wakes. <\/p>\n

The obligatory next line is, He is beautiful.  Major Deity has played this trick on me so many times, that that line is getting worn out.  Alas, it is true.  Sparkling dark eyes, perfect black hair with a glisten of gel, fine eyebrows and long lashes, and fascinating lips, not pouty at all, but pink?and waiting.  He watches me intently.  I think I looked at the thirty-something man, but I can’t recall if he even had a head.  The man was a present non-entity as the boy watched me.  The man is aparently my downstairs neighbor, although I thought my downstairs neighbor was a young handsome blonde.  I saw the blonde once when he brought his departing guests to the door as I was entering, again, with my bike.  The blonde had smiled a remarkably disarming smile at me that left me much like I am now, pondering what could have been.  And now I wonder where this thirty-something neighbor gets his friends.  <\/p>\n

With a look of hopeful innocence, the 19-ish beauty stood at my neighbor’s doorway after my neighbor had disappeared within, and watched the whole while as I ascended the stairs out of sight.  I could have smiled.  I could have winked.  I could have gestured for him to follow me, neighbor be damned.  When I got into my apartment, I turned to the Major Deity just in time to see Him glance away.  He had a smug look. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

maryWrite I want to write like this.  Or maybe I just want to have a life to write about.&nbs.  Some desperate smash-the-mug romantic rage accompanied by some discouragement at work and some genuine, tangible toilet-overflows, can’t-pay-the-bills depression?mmmm, that would be … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[301,455,446],"class_list":["post-239","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","tag-depression","tag-major","tag-maryland"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/burgwinkel.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/239","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/burgwinkel.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/burgwinkel.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/burgwinkel.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/burgwinkel.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=239"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/burgwinkel.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/239\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/burgwinkel.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=239"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/burgwinkel.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=239"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/burgwinkel.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=239"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}