{"id":144,"date":"2001-09-04T02:45:25","date_gmt":"2001-09-04T07:45:25","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/burgwinkel.com\/blog\/?p=144"},"modified":"2001-09-04T02:45:25","modified_gmt":"2001-09-04T07:45:25","slug":"kev-nah-looking","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/burgwinkel.com\/blog\/?p=144","title":{"rendered":"Kev, Nah.   “Looking"},"content":{"rendered":"
\n
\nKev,<\/p>\n

\nNah.  \"Looking through rather than looking at...\"  It's all a matter of perspective.  You know how cruel 'kids' can be, but young men need us more than we need them.  And of that need we are acutely aware, while our juniors remain grossly unaware.  Do you lately remember -- with amazement, as do I -- the immensity of our dumbness (not dumb as in stupid, but dumb as in benumbed and shell-shocked) in our late teens and earliest adulthood.  Maybe it's just me, but I was unconscious in lots of ways.  I knew how desperately I wanted guys, but -- maybe it was the hormones -- I was utterly paralyzed from doing anything about it. \n<\/p>\n

\nNinety percent of a youth's energy is spent pretending to a condition he can achieve only when he is no longer young.  Then, in some cases, he reverses and spends himself pretending to b.  young after he is not.  In a few cases the grown man recognizes the wisdom of youth's innocence; then he prepares himself to be a kind host to Wisdom-Innocence should it happen to pass nearby and need a moment's rest and comfort.   It is a holy opportunity. \n<\/p>\n

\nSo, Kev, don't let their aloofness borne of fear dissuade you from giving the gifts that your less mature counterparts need from you.  Also do not misinterpret their cool disinterest as the result of a considered deliberation -- it is in fact hastily chosen, an artful and magnificent disguise worn in an effort to stay safe amidst terrible newness and monsters.  Some young men keep hiding even into their thirties, or beyond -- like me.  Most young men will not drop the uncaring guise, but all of them want<\/i> to.  I try to stay ready for that moment, whoever he may turn out to be and whatever the circumstance; it is holy.  But more often than not<\/a> I am tangled in my own need and lonliness, helpless. \n<\/p>\n

\nI'm sorry for your brief sickness, but I'm glad it was not a week-wrecker.  And the dancing... hmm, nice...  It has been a long time.  As for my smiling face \"real-time,\" well, there is no camera here, and soon enough there will be no me.  Gotta move.  The landlord raised the rent, but that's just the excuse.  Over time, stationary has turned to stagnation and it simply is time to move on.  Even though I have an absolutely fabulous DSL connection here, which (in the great confusion of a Capitalism operated by incompetents) I have been getting for free, for over a year, without even one single bill.  Despite my e-mails alerting them.  Nada. \n<\/p>\n

\nBut there is more to life than bandwidth (isn't there?), even if the bandwidth is one megabit per second.  It is a testimony to my faith in life that I am willing to forfeit such a connection, and the isolation I have cultivated around it -- I even neglected my phone unto disconnection -- in search of a fuller embrace of life. \n<\/p>\n

\nHowever, for better or worse, I will keep you posted. \n<\/p>\n

\nAnd there is no way I could've met you in P-town.  I knew the days you'd be there, but with me sucking-up all the overtime I can get, looking for a new apartment, and with the velocity of my cash flow critically close to cavitation, there just was no way I could do anything more than maintain an awareness from across Massachusetts Bay.  I love P-town, perhaps I love it even more from a distance.   There's no chance it will disappoint me.  Wanna go there off-season.  <\/p>\n

Truly, Madly, Deeply.  <\/p>\n

joe\n<\/p>\n

<\/tt><\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Kev, Nah.  “Looking through rather than looking at…”  It’s all a matter of perspective.  You know how cruel ‘kids’ can be, but young men need us more than we need them.  And of that need we are acutely aware, while … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[256,29,39,255,258,257,254],"class_list":["post-144","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","tag-deeply","tag-dsl","tag-energy","tag-madly","tag-massachusetts-bay","tag-p-town","tag-truly"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/burgwinkel.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/144","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/burgwinkel.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/burgwinkel.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/burgwinkel.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/burgwinkel.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=144"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/burgwinkel.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/144\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/burgwinkel.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=144"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/burgwinkel.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=144"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/burgwinkel.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=144"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}